Tommorrow is 15 weeks.

I turn 15 weeks tomorrow. I still very broken inside and I just want to get back to my old self. I thought I knew her after 6 years I guess I didn't. ON a plus note I did some baby shopping today still feel pretty down about having to do it without my partner but I have no choice. I must be strong for this little one inside of me since my ex wife is having an early midlife crisis and decieded to up and leave state and leave her wife and child behind so she can party and fuck who ever she sees fit.. I want her home with me but I am so aftraid that she will do this again.... I truly just want to feel better either her here or me over it one of the two... and I don't think either are going to happen anytime soon. I just am lost and broken and trying to slowly pick the pieces up.. ughh. Dr. appt on Friday to hear my precious angel's heartbeat I can't wait. I just want the doctor to tell me everything is ok with my baby because I can't handle loosing both of them in a week..... Fingers crossed. I will update after Friday... Good luck to everyone.

so much for a lesbian couple's journey

I turned 14 weeks yesterday and yesterday my partner of 6 years told me that she wasn't in love with me and hasn't been since before we started tryin to have a baby.  She packed her stuff into a uhaul today and left without a tear shed. I feel so lost and broken. I don't even know where to begin to heal and start rebuilding ME. I am totaly blindsided because as far as I could see we were good. I have cried so much since yesterday that my eyes are red and my cheeks are raw. I can't begin to explain how I feel or the emotions running through me. I guess I am raising this baby by myself and that was not at all the plan but I have to make a new plan for this amazing life inside of me.

13 weeks and 2 days

OMG I can't believe it almost out of the first trimester!!!  A little stressed out started school again last Thursday and already bombarded with work!! Have 3 anatomy classes and an art appreciation and my last history class this semester.. then next semester I apply for the nursing program.. Oh man I signed up for alot!!! My next appt is on Feb 3rd and we are just listening to the heartbeat and having my Blood pressure taken. My blood pressure has been running high the last 2 times at the doc's office but I was also fighting a sinus and ear infection.. I am hoping it doesn't stay that way... My mom suffered from high blood pressure with me and my sister and so did my aunt so we will see. I will be 7 months along by the time this semester is over in May... Can't believe in 8 more weeks I will be half way there.. Wow... WE haven't bought anything new for the lil bean because we are waiting to find out the sex of the baby so we can start getting the babies rood set up..... WE should find the sex out sometime in Feb as long as (s)he participates... Other then that nothing much is going on. I have pics of my belly from Nov and we took another one beg of Jan and I can see a roundness to it but as I am a bbw I will not be sharing untill I am huge. LMAO... anyway this journey has gone fast so far hopefully it doesn't go to fast where I feel rushed and not ready... LOL I will update in a week for my oh so many readers lol....

12 weeks today!!

Can't believe I made it too 12 weeks already!! It feels like yesterday that I found out I was pregnant.... It has been 9 weeks since we found out we are expecting.... It feels unreal still and I had a breakdown about buying diapers because it didn't feel real that it is finally us!!

sooo we did some shopping today...

 the cute keepsake we found

OMG they are so little our first pack of newborn diapers!!

from left to right.. onesies, our keepsake, burp bibs, pacifiers, and the tiny diaper:)

We didn't go to crazy plus it is very hard to find very cute things in yellow, cream or green... everything is in blue or pink!!

Stubborn Baby!!

Well we went in today to hear the heartbeat and little to say the baby would not participate. THey ended up doing a vaginal ultrasound to confirm there was one and yup there it was thumping away. Dr. did not measure to see how fast it was but he did say it was fast and the baby is measuring right on time 11 weeks and 4 days... I am a little disappointed that we didn't get to hear it but we did get another pic!! WE tried to shop today but Tara doesn't like the color green so we eneded up not getting anything!! But here is our little angel!!

11 weeks 4 days only 200 more days to go..

well tomorrow we go to hear the heartbeat for the first time. My emotions are all over the place from happy and excited to very nervous that they won't be able to find it.... I also have to have a pelvic done which I don't understand why they haven't done that yet but whatever I will take the pelvic as long as the heartbeat is heard!!! I am ready to start buying but we made a pack not untill the 2nd trimester begins which sadly won't start untill week 14.. ughh.... BUt the plus is if there is a heartbeat we go back in 4 weeks to have the big scan and hopefully find the gender out.... WE are truly hoping for a girl and I will be a bit disappointed if it is a boy.. I mean what am I going to do with a boy? lol... Anyway everything is good on the home front.. I crave chinese food all the time and poor Tara hates chinese.... so she gets taco bell lol..... My morning sickness has eased up but not completly gone somedays are better then others... Still very tired and fighting an ear and sinus infection which I was put on antibiodics for yesterday so hopefully I will get some relief with this sinus pressure and constant ear ache... Everything else is good just ready to meet our bundle we have waited so long for.... Untill Monday when I turn 12 weeks.