venting

Just need to vent! My dw is saying that she chooses to stay away from me because of my hormones and the surges I am having... It upsets me because this is something we both wanted to be pregnant and now that I am it seems as if she is distant from me. She is constantly on her phone playing a game and it is like she avoids me.. When I try and talk to her about it she says we aren't doing this because your right and I am always wrong. I just don't understand.. I didn't know this pregnancy would cause this much friction between us. Is she scared, having second thoughts? It scares me. Is she going to end up leaving because we are here and she realizes this isn't what she wanted? It causes so many fears and questions that are left unanswered because she doesn't want to talk to me about it. She is so standoffish and abrasive and that is not my usual wife. It is suppose to be a good and happy time and the past week has been alot of tension between us. We attempted to make love and she couldn't because she is afraid to cause bleeding or hurt the baby but is constantly compalining about it.. I am just not in the mood. I am emotional and I can't help it, but I have really tried to not be a bitch. She doesn't understand where I am coming from she is the one who refused to carry our children and now she is mad at me because of the hormones it has caused.... I just don't know what to do so I told her I nust wouldn't talk to her the rest of the 9 months.. This isn't the way it is supposed to be. What a way to start the new year.......

crazy dream

OK so my step dad ( my dad as far as I am concerned) passed away in 2007 from a roll over accident. He was alive to see my little sister have all 3 of her children. My grandfather ( his dad) passed away 9 months after he did. He also got to see all 3 of my sister kids born and growing..... It saddens me to think that neither my dad or gpa wont be there to hold our bundle of joy. My point is in my family we believe when you dream of them they are visiting you or giving you closure. Well my dad has been gone 4 years and my gpa 3 and I have yet to have a dream of them untill today. I don't remember all of it but they were redoing a bathroom and they kept arguing with me that they were not dead. THen they went to take some insulation out of the wall and my dad told me it wasn't good for the baby and I needed to step out of the room. THen another slide show effect in the dream he touched my belly and said something which I don't remember. I woke up in tears knowing that they may of sent this little angel to us, but they will never have the chance to hold him or her in the flesh. It saddens me that neither my dad or Tara's father are alive to be grandpa so ultimately our child and future children will not have a gpa. Luckily with my mom having heart failure she will be here for it which I was very worried about. Almost to that 30 mark I was getting worried as my sister's oldest is almost 11 and her youngest is almost 7..... Sad she is fresh 28 and done, tubes tied and I am just starting...
   Anyway that was my dream and some of my sadness in this wonderfull journey.

The beginning

Well let me start with. Hello! I am a 29 year old lesbian and my wife is a 26 yr old. We have been together for 6 years in January. We met on myspace while I was living in Phoenix Arizona and while she was living in Westland Michigan. Little to say she moved to Phoenix and we lived there for 4 years before decieding to move out of state. While in Arizona about 2 years ago we decieded to start trying for a baby using a very dear friend of ours. We tried for a year with no success. I was for sure that something was wrong with me every time aunt flow would show her ugly face. We ended up stopping because of my emotional state at the time. We left Arizona last March on a journey to Tn for a fresh start.
   We both started college for nursing at the local university. I am currently in my sophmore year of college working toward my Bachelors in Nursing. My wife is in her freshman year working for the same degree. Anyway, we started talking again about trying againa and made a decision in August of this year to start looking for a donor. We place a serious ad on Craigslist explaing in great detail what we were looking for and what we expected. WE screened our donors and finally found one that was worth looking into further. WE met him for lunch and discussed it. We had him STD screened and we were geared up to start in September. We started in September with our donor and I was reading every little thing as a sign of pregnancy. ON top of that I ended up being 3 days late then AUnt flow showed her face. I cried and cried but we wiped it off and said we can do it again next month. October time comes and I was sure that we missed our window of oppurtunity because I did not have a temp drop or any signs of ovulation.
   Novemeber 14th comes and I didn't think anything of being 2 days late again. I went to bed one night and had a dream of a positive test. SO the next afternoon I was explaining my dream to my dear Tara and I decieded to just take a preg test. Mid afternoon I wasn't expecting much... So here we are in the bathroom waiting for the cheap dollar store test line to show. Then Tara picks the test up and says " Hmmm" and asked what and she said nothing. So we wait the 3 minutes and I must add it was the longest 3 minutes of my life. I go in to check it and there it is 2 very beautifull lines.
   Of course Tara did not believe it so we went out and bought first response and apparently women in the states buy pregnancy tests by the bundle because we could not just buy one. WE had to get 3. We come home and I pee again and boom 2 lines immediatly!!  We did a clear blue digital and there it was pregnant. I cried and cried and so did my wife.
    WE are currently 10 weeks and 2 days pregant. WE had our first appointment on the 28th of NOvember and I was 8 weeks and 3 days. THe baby was perfect!!! A bobble head but perfect!! My profle picture is the ultrasound pic we had done that day!!!  Our next appointment is Jan 6th to hear the heartbeat and I cannot wait!! WE are due July 23rd!!!
    We are so excited to become parents and we cannot wait to start buying but, we have made a vow not to purchase anything for the baby untill after the 13 th week to be safe!! The only down fall is my dear wife is terrified to have sex because she doesn't want to cause any harm or bleeding so we are waiting untill we see the doc on the 6th to talk to him about it.
    I hope if anything that this blog gives other people hope that it can happen to them. I will post weekly.. I hope everyone had a nice holiday and has a safe New Year!!